that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
