there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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