He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
