I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
