No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
