Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
