yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
