we're blogging at a bar
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
