I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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