I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Randomize
