my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
