why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Randomize