that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
