In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
