Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Then you guys just all showered together...?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
