didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
