May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
