youre lurking in front of me
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
