Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I need to stop coming to work sober
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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