i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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