if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
