Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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