I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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