Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
birth control should be required to get into college
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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