i already hear my dad disowning me
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
