Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
