quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
