just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
