Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
