I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Randomize
