Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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