New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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