i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
