so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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