oh god the rape fog is back!
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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