I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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