Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
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