Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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