There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
