She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
