yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
