Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
We need to get me chipped asap
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
