shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
