Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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