If i come over, it means nothing
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
