you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Randomize