If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
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