he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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