im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
