hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
