He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
