I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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