she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
