He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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