if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
