He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
