I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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