seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
