i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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