And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
