its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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