Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
