I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
