So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
