It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
