Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
