Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
