Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
