She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
