Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
