i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
