she was so not down for the gang bang
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
