i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
