Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
