I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
