u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
