I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Of course I have a pirate flag
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
