she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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